The Problem with the Nigger Word

Yesterday, a friend stopped by the shop to visit. He has four sons and a daughter, all are high school age and above. These are smart kids; they work hard, they study hard and they make good friends. They were home schooled, for the most part.

He told me a story about his eldest son, who is in college and has befriended a Muslim. One day, his son and the friend were visiting the multicultural center at the Muslim’s request. Of course, everyone in the center, working or visiting, is black. His son was the only white face to be seen.

While traveling on the elevator, the son and the Muslim were debating the presidential campaign and the son conceded McCain was the lesser of two evils. At that point, the elevator stopped and six burly black guys came aboard.

As the door closed, the Muslim asked the son, “So, you really think Obama is evil?”

The son, replied, “That is not exactly what I said.”

At that point, the elevator stopped at their intended floor and he and the Muslim were allowed to exit, life intact.

The Muslim headed toward the math tutor to seek help with a problem. As the tutor, who was also black, explained the solution, the son, who is a math brainiac, saw the tutor was making a serious mistake. So he interrupted, “I am sorry, but that is not the proper way to solve the problem and the answer is going to be wrong.” He then proceeded to demonstrate the solution.

As he was working out the problem, the tutor was watching intently. So intently, his face was less than six inches from the son’s face as he leaned over the son’s shoulder. Halfway through the problem, the son’s phone rang. He answered the phone. It was his white friend, who talks loud and his voice can be heard beyond the receiver.

“Wassup, my nigga?” greeted the friend.

Long story short, he exited the multicultural building, alive again.

We had a good laugh. Then my friend said, “But, Dean, that’s not the worst of it.” He continued with another story. A few days later, another son had a mulatto friend over to the house. He brought his computer and wanted to log on the wireless. My friend did not know the password, in fact, he did not know he had totally lost control of his sons. The son who brought the guest was not around, so my friend asked his youngest son what the password was. The son looked to the floor and mumbled.

“Excuse me, son, but I could not hear you,” said my friend.

So his son repeated louder, “Niggersomething.” (I won’t tell you what “something” is. It is not bad, but I don’t want to disclose the password.)

He looked at the mulatto guest and the guest just shrugged.

We live in a culture where we take ourselves too seriously – including our race. I remember in the sixties, we called each other “nigger.” I had several black friends; I called them “nigger” and they called me “nigger.” It was slang and it was a term of endearment. None of us considered the language offensive or hateful. We did, however, understand that others, mainly grown-ups, considered the term offensive and that might have been our catalyst for using it.

Suddenly, right about 1970, we could no longer say the “n” word and we could no longer tell Polish or Nigger jokes. After that, every ethnic and national joke was purged from our national discourse one-by-one. Except for Norwegian and Swedish jokes, we can still tell those – and that is my roots, yet I don’t mind, in fact, I enjoy it.

We live in a culture that is easily offended. Maybe, in fact, it wants to be offended. Races want to be offended, as yet proof of their ongoing oppression. Yet, blacks find no offense in using the “n” word on themselves and they find it justifiable to use slang expressions against the white.

At the core is the mistaken notion that racism can be cured externally. As if people’s attitudes can be altered by curbing their speech. Jesus said, what is in the heart will come out of the mouth (Mat 15:18). If you repress, by law, what comes out of the mouth, the only thing produced is resentment. Preventing hate speech, does not curb hate. On the contrary, it produces more, or increased, hate.

Personally, if someone does not like me, or even hates me, I would rather hear it up front than wait to get stabbed in the back. I think our culture would do better by not taking other people’s attitudes so seriously. Solomon gave us good advice. “Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you. For you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.” [Ecc 7:21-22 NIV]

It is true, Solomon also said, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” [Pro 12:18 NIV] This is good advice and it is good to encourage uplifting speech. But my point is this: we work hard to change the attitude of the speaker, when it is the attitude of the hearer that causes the greater harm. The hearer is looking for the offense; the hearer is looking to be offended to prove their victimhood, forgetting, or overlooking, that they themselves harbor hate in their heart. And, oftentimes, the hearer finds offense when the speaker meant none.

Political correctness demands sensitivity on the part of the speaker while holding no accountability on the part of the hearer. In fact, it grants the hearer absolute power over the speaker, even the power to define the speaker’s intent. We create offenses. We demand apologies and refuse to grant forgiveness and we become a nation of fools. The enemy looks upon us and sees that we are easily dividable. We make it easy for our enemies to rule over us.

To quote Solomon one more time: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” [Pro 19:11 NIV] We have been taught to accept the power of victimhood and we have forgotten the glory and power of forgiveness.